How a Self-Knowing Parent Guides a Child: Calmness with Responsibility

Question:

If a child is being mischievous and doesn’t listen, and now that I am on the path of Self-knowledge, I think, “Since I’m in Self-knowledge, I shouldn’t say anything.”
Is that right? Should I just stay silent and let things happen?

Answer:

No, not at all.
A person established in Self-knowledge actually becomes more responsible—responsible for every thought, word, and action.

If a child is behaving badly, the first thought of an awakened person is,
“Somewhere, I too am responsible for this behavior. Perhaps there was a mistake in how I raised the child. Maybe something lacking in my attention or upbringing has led to this.”

So first, such a person takes the responsibility upon themselves, rather than blaming the child. They think, “Where did I go wrong, and how can I now correct it?”
That means a self-realized person does not ignore the child. They do correct the child—fully, and rightly. They have complete authority to do so.

They can use any of the four classical approaches — sama, dana, danda, bheda (gentle persuasion, offering, discipline, and reasoning) — to bring the child onto the right path.

Someone without Self-knowledge often swings to extremes:
Either they ignore the child completely, or they overreact — scolding and shouting so much that the punishment far exceeds the child’s mistake.
The child may have made only a small error, but the parent’s uncontrolled anger magnifies it.

An ordinary person lacks self-control, so how can they control someone else? They can’t.
Only one who is inwardly stable can truly guide a child, because they have control over themselves.
They can correct the child without anger, without irritation, and without losing peace.

How?
Because they use wisdom — the right method at the right time — one of those four ways: persuasion, encouragement, discipline, or understanding.

You mentioned being practically confused — thinking, “When I’m in Self-awareness, I should remain silent and calm, even if the child is doing wrong.”
That’s not the case. You don’t try to be calm — you naturally become calm as your awareness deepens.

Right now, because we are not yet fully established in the Self, such doubts arise.
But as you continue progressing on the path, you’ll start to notice that your reactions lessen automatically.
Earlier, perhaps you got angry ten times a day — now it’s nine.
Soon it will be eight, then seven.
Gradually, one day you’ll reach a point where you remain peaceful nine times out of ten, and maybe get upset only once.
That’s how peace and stability begin to arise naturally within. You don’t have to force them — they are already within you.

So yes, we must guide and correct the child — but with calmness and self-mastery.

If we look at the Ramayana, Rama’s journey represents this inner process.
Rama’s conscious mind is already purified — that’s why Self-knowledge (Rama) has appeared.
King Dasharatha represents the purified conscious mind giving birth to Self-awareness (Rama).
But in the subconscious, impurities still remain.

The person established in Self-knowledge gradually cleans out those deep subconscious tendencies.
When that cleansing is complete, they “sit on the throne” — meaning, they gain full mastery over their inner kingdom, over their thoughts and actions.

To “sit on the throne” doesn’t mean they stop working or become inactive.
It means they act with greater skill, balance, and awareness than before.
Self-knowledge doesn’t make a person idle — it makes them more capable, efficient, and composed in every task.

These things become clearer with practice. The more we practice, the more these truths become our personal experience.

And that’s the real advantage of stories (katha).
We might forget pure knowledge over time, but we remember the story.
For example, if today we understand that “Kabandha” means “negativity,” later we might forget the word negativity — but we’ll remember Kabandha.
The story will bring the meaning back to us.

We may forget the abstract idea of “Self-knowledge,” but we’ll always remember “Rama.”
And the very name “Rama” will remind us: Rama means living in one’s true Self.

That’s how these stories work — they make knowledge easy to remember and live by.