When Control Becomes Effortless: Living Knowledge in Daily Life

Question

Sister, my question is — all this knowledge we are studying, the purpose is to bring it into our lives. We’ve learned that we are the creators and controllers of our own thoughts. But we live in families, we’re social people — we deal with relatives, friends, and so many daily interactions. Even when we know we shouldn’t react or speak harshly, sometimes the provocation is so strong that we simply can’t control ourselves. What should we do in such situations?

Answer

You’ve asked a very real and important question.
Look — true non-reaction happens only when we are in knowledge. When we’re not situated in Self-knowledge, reactions naturally arise.

We say, “I’ll control myself,” but understand this basic point: real control is never forced. True control happens automatically when we are established in knowledge.

First, Self-knowledge must awaken — the awareness “I am the soul.” Only then do we truly become the masters of our thoughts. Before that, we aren’t in control at all, because the one who could control isn’t present yet. The mind is running the entire show, doing everything. The one who should be in charge — the conscious soul — hasn’t awakened.

So, the first step is for that presence to awaken within. Then you don’t have to try to control any thought — it happens on its own. If you still have to force control, the real transformation hasn’t yet happened.

For example, someone sits in front of you and keeps saying unpleasant things. When you don’t yet live in Self-knowledge, you might hold yourself for a minute, five minutes, an hour — but if the person keeps talking, your patience will eventually break. It will break.

When will it not break? When patience has become your very nature. Then you don’t need to hold back — you are simply patient by default.

Imagine two people sitting together — one is an ordinary person, the other a great soul. Someone insults both of them equally. The ordinary person’s patience collapses and they react, but the great soul neither reacts nor feels hurt. Why? Because they are established in knowledge — in the awareness that all of nature operates through the three gunas (qualities: sattva, rajas, tamas), and that their proportions keep changing.

So instantly, they recall: “Right now, this person’s tamasic quality is dominant. That’s fine.”
That understanding arises within a second, and there’s no reaction at all.

We, however, are still trying to control ourselves, not living in knowledge. Our knowledge sits on the highest shelf — we don’t reach for it when needed. Someone says something unpleasant, and instead of bringing that knowledge down and applying it, we just try to suppress ourselves — “stay quiet, stay calm.” For a while we manage, and then — burst! The dam of patience breaks. That’s where we currently are.

What we have to do is reach a state where even if someone abuses us a hundred thousand times, we remain peaceful, smiling, and unshaken — no shadow of reaction inside.

That is what the Ramayana is meant to make us. The day we can remain utterly calm after a thousand insults, that day we can say, “Yes, I have truly brought this knowledge into my life.” Not before.

Even take small tests — if someone says, “You’ve done this wrong,” or simply, “Move a bit, you’re taking too much space,” and your mind trembles even slightly, that’s the sign: we still have a long way to go.

Our goal is to move from being ordinary humans to being Self-aware beings. If we stay ordinary, we’ll keep taking birth after birth, living and dying the same way.

So, what must we do?
We must keep applying knowledge in small daily situations. Apply it in little things. As we do, gradually, in a few years, we’ll find ourselves able to apply it in bigger situations too. Then it becomes natural — a habit — and we’ll stay calm and steady always.

These are the steps of spiritual practice (sādhanā). Like a cow chewing cud, we must keep “chewing” over each truth again and again — reflect, recall, and practice it. There’s no other way. “Karat karat abhyās ke jadmatī ho sujān” — with constant practice, even the dull mind becomes wise. A sujān — a truly wise person — isn’t born overnight; wisdom grows through steady practice.

The Ramayana gives us this practice step by step, story by story — in perfect order. We don’t have to add or change anything. Just reflect deeply on each story as it comes, apply it, and let it become part of you. That’s the real path of sādhanā.