What Is Pitru Dosh?

Question

What is pitru dosh?

Answer

As we keep discussing, the blame of pitru dosh is constantly placed on someone. We keep placing it on our father, our grandfather, our mother, or our ancestors, assuming they must have done something wrong and therefore pitru dosh has come. All the blame is put on those who gave birth to our physical body. But the blame should not be placed on them.

Parents are only instruments through which a child arrives. Every mother and father is only a medium through which a child comes. What kind of child is going to be born is not in the control of the parents. Everything is under the law of the Supreme. We live with the attitude of “I am the doer, I am the one doing everything.” The first thing to let go of is this doership — that “I am the one bringing this child.” Who am I? Only a medium through the body.

Which child will come is decided by karmic law. Everyone wishes for a good, intelligent, virtuous, excellent child. But that is not in our hands; it is decided by karmic law. Whether the child brings sorrow or happiness depends on one’s own karmic results. Karmic law is the justice and rule of this universe.

So in any matter related to pitru, we should not base anything on blaming the mother or the father or the ancestors. Pitru are our own impressions — our saṃskāras. Pitru dosh means the fault of our own impressions. It is I who had performed wrong actions, had wrong desires, had collected wrong tendencies — all these got carried forward and accumulated within me. And because of these, any negative result comes into the house.

For example, if my child is not good, is unrighteous, then whom do we blame? We say it is pitru dosh. But in pitru dosh, our attention goes toward the parents or ancestors. We never think that if the child has turned wicked, I myself am responsible through my own past actions. Only the physical body changes; the subtle body and causal body continue from lifetime to lifetime. So the result of my own actions is that my child turned out that way. Pitru dosh is the result of my own karma.

But we never look at our own actions. In pitru dosh, I think I am perfect, pure, virtuous, spotless — the fault must be with my father or grandfather. Even when there is a wedding or any ceremony at home, pitru dosh shanti or pitru puja is done. But during that, our attention should stay correct — we should not make someone else responsible; we should consider only ourselves responsible.

Until we take responsibility, we cannot free ourselves from the wrong action. Suppose I understand that the unpleasant situation at home is because of my tendency to suppress or dominate others. If I realize that my own dominating habit is harming the environment of my family, only then will I think of removing that tendency. If I blame someone else, why would I remove my own fault? I will feel I am already right.

All the unpleasant situations that arise — we should take responsibility for them: I am responsible for this, for this, for this. But we do not consider ourselves responsible. We put the blame on others in the house. We point fingers at them. Instead of pointing outward, we should point toward ourselves. Only then will the situation change — when I change myself.

If we do not change ourselves, we keep blaming relatives. “I am unhappy because of them.” “I am suffering because of them.” But we are not in knowledge, so the cause is our ignorance. If we stay in knowledge, we will know that whatever happens to me is because of my own karmic law. The mistake lies somewhere in me. If I pay attention to that, I can destroy my own faults, whatever they may be. I cannot destroy someone else’s faults.

Whenever an unpleasant situation arises, our finger should always turn toward ourselves: I am responsible. But if we observe carefully, hardly anyone points toward themselves. Everyone points at others — “I didn’t do anything; he did it. I am right; he is wrong.” This tendency to blame others is very harmful. We should always avoid it.

So this completes the explanation of havya, kavya, and pitru dosh.